I didn't really expect to be writing this post so soon but my module results have been released early so here I am.
So I passed B203 Buness Functions in Context. Just. By 3 marks. There was only those three marks between a pass and a resit. I can't deny at first I was devastated. There was a 30+ percentage point drop between my exam result and my overall coursework score (OCAS). I was in tears. I knew I had passed, and done so under tremendously difficult circumstances but I couldn't believe how close I'd come to failing. And as always there was a part of me questioning if I'd been well, would the result have been much better?!
But then I remembered the circumstances I'd been revising in. How much I'd been struggling. How close I'd come to giving up entirely. After a few hours contemplating that, I began to feel happier. I'd passed. There was no need a resit. The course books could be put on a bookshelf ready for reference in the future if needed. I could relax and enjoy my summer off. I'd done my best under what would've been difficult circumstances for anyone but harder for someone with a chronic illness like M.E. I should be proud of what I'd achieved. So I am.
I found it was so easy to forget how much I was struggling during the revision period. Not only did I have my chronic illness to cope with but I was dealing with the loss of my Grandad and his funeral. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that if it hadn't been for friends and family talking me round I would've given up on my degree entirely, it all seemed too much. Looking back and reminding myself of this I realised passing was a major achievement. So it's not the best grade in the world, but it is a pass. And that is what's important.
Over a few days I've realised the significance of managing to pass what everyone had described as a difficult module, under the circumstances I was in at the time. Yes I had hoped and dreamed for a better result. But like I said it is a pass. And that is all that matters. Being a perfectionist at heart accepting this doesn't come easy but I slowly am. I received some wonderful supportive messages from people on Facebook and Twitter which were all much appreciated and got me through the tough times during results day. So if any of you are reading this, thank you. Those words meant the world to me.
To anyone else struggling to come to terms with an exam result that was worse than expected, don't worry about it. What's done is done. If you failed and you're offered a resit spend the time revising and know you can do it. Someone somewhere will always be rooting for you. And if you've passed but not received the grade you expected, wanted or dreamed of it's not the end of the world. It may well feel like it but it's not. Focus on the fact you passed. You can put those course books away and move on to your next module or the next stage of your life. You did it. You passed. That's all that really matters.
*If you're unsure of any of the terms used here please look at the glossary page (link at top of blog) or comment if it isn't listed there. I normally link any terms direct to the glossary page but I am writing this on a tablet and cannot do so.*